We've been hearing a lot of normal talk as of late: "Don't accept this as normal." "The New normal."

Well, define normal for me, would ya?

He had a normal childhood. (WHO? I'd like to know)

These little setbacks are a normal part of life. (Really? "Little setbacks" sounds like trauma to me and eventually putting your shrink's kids through college.)

Despite her illness, she was able to lead a normal life. (Thank God she could remain an indentured servant in medical debt and still have the leisure time for 2 hour phone conversations with a Comcast representative.)

They had a normal, healthy baby. (Oh you just wait... so too did Charlie Manson and Nancy Spungen's mamas think.)

Normal people don't react that way. (Who exactly is making this determination?)

I would safely wager most people I know not only don't consider themselves normal but in fact have fought being defined by this description their whole lives. Perhaps we equate normal as "Common" or "Boring."

Has anyone you've ever known and actually liked ever strived for normal status?

I suppose it's nice to hear something like "Your blood tests came back normal."

But not "that art show you had 20 pieces in was so normal."

"Your new record sounds so normal." Good job!

And the grandaddy of back-handed compliments, "Your new girlfriend seems so normal."

(Immediate implication that every other psycho you hooked up with was a broken lost cause ... but hey, at least they were interesting and fun at parties.)

Being far too subjective a word, I have to believe normal is in the eye of the beholder and always has been.

In my normal eye:
• I don't ever take my jewelry off, not to sleep, not to shower, barely ever at the airport metal detector.
• I eat once a day around 11 a.m.
• I will help if needed to remove a dangling deuce from a pug butt with my bare hand.
• I have spent a lifetime buying the same pair of second hand black boots with only a slight design variation, each time I do I feel I have finally achieved the Holy Grail until I buy the next pair.
• Friends who back out of last minute plans are probably doing us all a favor. Never taken it personally. In fact, it might be better to thank them.
• I look forward to the passage of time. Not in that I relish getting older, but when the proper amount of time passes I will be able to re-read my favorite books.
• 99.9% of the time my first waking thoughts are of Keith Richards or The Godfather.

What's normal to you?