The holiday season is going to look very different during this global pandemic. There's a lot of disappointment this year, and many are isolated.

Sabine Schmid is assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Minnesota Medical School and a licensed psychologist with M Health Fairview. She joined The Current's Jill Riley to talk about those who are facing loneliness as we head into the holiday season.

Listen to the interview above, and read a transcript of the complete conversation below. Every Wednesday morning at 8:30 CST, Jill connects with experts and local personalities for some real talk about keeping our minds and bodies healthy — from staying safe in the music scene, to exercising during a pandemic, to voting and civic engagement.

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Sabine Schmid: As a clinician, I would say the first step is to understand the problem well. So, I want to take an inventory of my needs and ask myself: what do I really miss? What do I desire the most and cannot have right now? There are very different reasons for feeling lonely, of course. For example, a woman in her 70s whose children just decided not to visit for the holidays, to be safe, is very different from the 35-year-old who just lost his job and misses the social connections but feels some shame about his job loss and doesn't want to reach out to others.

The main thing that I would say is to distinguish what is in our control versus what is not in our control, and then work towards accepting the things that we cannot change — like the pandemic itself, our age, the weather, and so on — and make peace with those things. Let go, and shift our attention and our energy to the things we can change.

So, for example, the 70-year-old mother and grandmother...let's call her "Mary." She wants to really feel connected to her family, and so that's her focus then. There's lots that she can do. Somebody told me, for example, that they are going to cook for the family and arrange for a pickup. Or, others have been sending notes or a meme or we can schedule a virtual meal together. The important thing is to shift focus from internal attention — to focus on our misery and our situation that is different this year — to making it an external focus and initiate contact. Be flexible, creative, and focus on what we can do.

Jill Riley: It almost sounds like you're talking about allowing some grieving process to happen there.

Yes. Absolutely. You know, during the social distancing time and even lockdown, there is a grieving process that is going on. People have lost things and connections in many different ways. Some have literally lost a loved one. Others have lost that ability to socialize, and some have lost their jobs and there are all kinds of losses that we face — maybe even a family reunion that we couldn't attend — and a loss we need to grieve. So it's okay to admit that there are feelings of sadness, maybe even anger, and that there's a grieving process going on. I think it's not only okay, it's important to practice the grieving and allow yourself to feel these feelings. There's no need and no way to fix those.

And yet, at the same time, it's important to not give up on things that are dear to us just because it's been difficult or it is difficult right now. So if there are cultural traditions or faith that heals us, or values that we can practice that give us meaning, then let's be creative: possibly come up with new ideas that are COVID-compatible and find ways to practice these rituals in a socially distanced, safe way, or maybe even start a new tradition.

I like the idea of that: kind of throwing those expectations out the door and starting something new, which can be difficult for people. Even myself, I'm so used to these traditions that have been tried and true for my own life, but maybe it's time to try something new.

On the topic of loneliness, it's important to make a distinction between being alone and lonely. I wonder if there are some signs that we can watch for as we're checking in with our loved ones that loneliness may be taking over someone's life — if we can urge them to connect with someone or maybe talk to their doctor. Are there some signs that we can look for as friends and family.

Absolutely. I love that you asked that question, because there is a difference. It's very natural to feel lonely from time to time, but chronic loneliness or social isolation...chronic loneliness or social isolation is definitely a distressing experience. You're not getting your social relationship needs met. Yes, during the pandemic more people feel socially isolated, and this is often on top of already a problem of loneliness in certain populations, particularly.

The signs I would look for [include] a certain way of framing things and also avoidance behavior. What we see in chronic loneliness or problematic loneliness are thoughts and beliefs like, "Nobody cares about me." Helplessness — "I can't do anything about it" — or hopelessness, even. "I will be lonely for the rest of my life."

And we see avoidance behavior. We avoid things that make us feel bad, and ironically with loneliness, this can include contacting other people — for fear of feeling worse. Just like we might avoid certain movies that might make us feel worse because they describe an idyllic, perfect situation, we might actually avoid answering that text message or reaching out to a friend whose children are celebrating the holidays together with Grandma, for example.

It is, again, very important to figure out how to shift that focus from focusing on yourself and ruminating about the things we cannot change, the things we've lost, or maybe the mistakes we've made, to an external focus, an action focus, a focus on what we can do, and taking small steps. We can reach out to one person, and then it builds on that.

Well, I think that's some great advice and great tips for people heading into this holiday season. We cannot control this global pandemic. We're being advised to stay within our own household unit at this point. [Those are] things we can't change, but I really like how you drive home that point of okay, what am I in control of and what is my attitude?

Where is a good place for people to find some information or just some resources about how to deal with the stress and isolation this holiday season?

I would say reaching out to the mental health professionals, and the University of Minnesota has of course a Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences and we have psychiatry clinics. So reach out to a mental health professional — a therapist, a psychiatrist, or even starting with a friend or family member and say that you might need some help.

And it's okay! More and more people, I've found, are just more open to talking about some of this stuff, especially this year.

Oh, yes. That's one of the good things that is coming from this terrible pandemic: people are really getting in touch with their own needs more, and yeah, I've seen a lot of courage to change things up and to admit that you might need something and to address your needs more directly. I think it's important overall to not downplay the hardship or be invalidating, but to emphasize the and. It's not an either/or — not "either we are in a bad situation or we have a happy holiday season" — but we can make room for both and plan the day for time to grieve, and also plan for some fun, virtually or otherwise. So, to use your creativity and flexibility to reclaim the holidays in a new, creative way!