It took me until my mid-20s to start singing in a rock band. I had always been under the impression that performing music for the public or even just practicing it in a rehearsal space required genuine vocal ability. Not so! In my case, I had friends who played instruments but weren't able to play a song the same way twice in a row. I was able to alter, expand, or contract lyrics I was largely making up on the fly. As the band developed, I concentrated on performing VERY EMPHATICALLY to make up for not always being in the same zip code as the note. Or the same area code, sometimes. But I kept going anyway, creating songs, playing shows and having fun.

And I'm not alone! The more I think about it, the more I realize there are plenty of singers out there doing very well who can't really especially sing all that great. But their voices work, their musicians are good, and they create something you can love.

I am not here to criticize singers who can't sing. I am here to ADORE singers who can't sing.

First, who isn't on the list. There are several vocalists who have, I think, an undeserved reputation as bad singers when they are actually good singers with weird voices. Tom Waits can really sing but doesn't sound like anyone else. Same with Neil Young and Randy Newman. They find the notes, they have the tone, they deliver the message of the song (which they've almost always written themselves), but they just sound goofy doing it. Goofy is not the same as bad. Several singers who are on my list have very nice vocal instruments, it's just that they can't sing too good.

Singers who are not all that good at singing but who I enjoy and who just missed making the list: Lana Del Rey, Paula Abdul, Rihanna, Ben Folds, Stephen Malkmus, Madonna, Ozzy Osbourne.

Now on to the list:

10. Dave Mustaine, Megadeth

When it comes to singing, Dave Mustaine is an excellent guitarist. The founder and leader of Megadeth formed the band after being fired from Metallica and initially handled the vocal duties because it was easier than getting someone else to do it. And he sings like that too, plodding through the thrash with a slight strangulation before relaxing into some wicked solo or other. Vocals, it sounds like to Mustaine, are kind of a hassle — but when you work on a farm, the chores need to get done. Weak singing as heavy metal obligation? I can get with that for a song or two.

9. Brian Johnson, AC/DC

Bon Scott wasn't exactly Adele, mind you, but his replacement more or less dispensed with the idea of singing altogether, choosing instead a vocal style reminiscent of a compressed-air horn being blasted through a narrow pipe of frozen whiskey. But do I treasure all of Back In Black and For Those About To Rock? Yes, I do. Do I treasure anything that came after that? No, I don't. But are those two albums enough to get him on this list of treasured non-singers? Yes, they are.

8. Fred Schneider, The B-52's

This one might be kind of a stretch because I don't know for sure that Fred can't sing. I only know that Fred DOESN'T sing. I assume that's because he can't, though I don't know for sure. He doesn't need to. The B-52's already have the brilliant and criminally underappreciated Kate Pierson and Cindy Wilson to belt out beautiful singing, and so they can just have Fred bark out "Deadbeat club!" or "Rock lobster!" or "Dance this mess around!" Even when Fred sings, like in "Love Shack", he kind of just speak/yells through his part. And it sounds great! Don't ever change, Fred, and don't ever sing.

7. Biz Markie

Biz can't sing, but does he ever sing, sing, sing. "Just a Friend" is his most famous song wherein he laments the love that is slipping away as his beloved promises that this other guy is just a friend, although presumably a friend who doesn't sing like a duck being murdered. But in contrast to, say, William Hung, whose bad singing is funny for a few seconds and then gets old, Biz Markie rules. "Just a Friend" absolutely kills at karaoke. It kills at parties. It makes you want to shout along wherever you hear it. For a slightly deeper cut, check out his exuberant if largely atonal cover of "Bennie & the Jets."

6. Anthony Kiedis, Red Hot Chili Peppers

Although they've been very successful throughout their career, I am a huge fan of the early albums by the Chili Peppers or the Red Hots or the Red Chilis or however you're supposed to shorten that up. On Freaky Styley and The Total Uplift Mofo Party Plan, Kiedis delivers a staccato funk spiel that makes you want to boogie your guts out. It's all sex and rap. They even have a song called "Sex Rap". But as they aged, their beat slowed down along with, presumably, their metabolism and before long you had "Under the Bridge" and "Californication." The tube socks got replaced by cargo shorts. Still, it works! "Under the Bridge" made me both cry and move out of New Jersey. In later years, Kiedis comes off as an aging skateboarder making sense of his feelings and his life, unencumbered by his vocal deficits. Rock on, Anthony.

5. Frank Ocean

I played the heck out of the Orange album and really loved it. I'm trying to listen intently to the relatively new Blonde and, while it hasn't hooked me as strongly just yet, I recognize that it may be one of those records that needs a few listens to really take. I admire the songwriting, I'm intrigued by the production and arrangements, I can even buy into the semi-mysterious confessional tone of what's going on. So there's a lot to love with Frank Ocean's music. He can't sing. Not really. And sure, maybe he is more of a producer and writer and that's what you should pay attention to but the guy tries to sing and it isn't good at it. I will listen to more Frank Ocean.

4. Courtney Love, Hole

I sometimes wonder how Courtney Love will be talked about in 50 years. As an unrecognized genius whose stormy personal life overshadowed her musical work? As a brief mention in a biography of Kurt Cobain? As a very good actress who should have made more movies? I don't know. But I do know that I've been on a real kick of listening to Hole lately, and I think the really great songs succeed because of her kind-of-bad singing and not in spite of it. There's plenty of reverb and backing vocal on those studio albums and that sands down a few rough edges, but there's still plenty of sharp ends and messiness to really bring the hammer down. Can you imagine lines like "Someday you will ache like I ache" with a well-manicured, lilting soprano? Ick.

3. Britney Spears

Younger Britney could deliver a strident pop song as good as anyone and usually better. More recent Britney can still knock a song around, and the extra miles on her voice serve her well. But all along, every Britney has been helped out considerably by her charisma, her dance moves, and quite a bit of technological fine-tuning in the studio. And that's a bargain we've all been perfectly happy to live with. You can go to any college conservatory and find a dozen students with more ability than Brit, but none that you would pay $150 to see in Vegas. I would pay $150 to see Britney in Vegas.

2. Joe Strummer, The Clash

This is the part of this article where I really get worried that you, gentle reader, will think that I don't love The Clash. I love The Clash. I always have and always will. I do "raise a toast to Saint Joe Strummer" as The Hold Steady demand, and I recognize that "he might have been our only decent teacher." Joe's is a voice that I absolutely treasure while in the full knowledge that he can't really so much sing. If you were having auditions for a singer for your band and you didn't know who he was (or what he could do), you would not hire Joe Strummer. His cover of Bob Marley's "Redemption Song" is quite moving and I like it, but the singing is really very much not good. I love Joe Strummer. Please don't arrive at my door as a mob holding torches and pitchforks.

1. David Lee Roth, Van Halen

Dave is the consummate front man. From Van Halen's self-titled debut through 1984, he embodied and projected a sexy swagger and confident self-mockery that projected good-time rock 'n' roll. And Dave can't sing. Oh, he can scream. And he can certainly grunt and moan. He can talk to you about easing the seat back. He can get Michael Anthony to back him up and bail him out of tricky vocal situations. But to really sing? To hold a note with a good strong sound in it? Sometimes. Not always. Not often. Sometimes. Still: if you hear Dave-era Van Halen on the radio, you turn it up and sing along. You'll have a good time with Dave. Interesting trivia tidbit: after Dave left in 1985, Van Halen stopped existing. You imagined all the rest of it. It didn't happen.

As for Bob Dylan, I don't know. I just don't know.

John Moe is heard every Wednesday on Oake & Riley in the Morning, commenting on the latest Internet trends. He also co-hosts the podcast Conversation Parade (with Open Mike Eagle) on the Infinite Guest network, and is an author of a number of books, including The Deleted Emails of Hilary Clinton: A Parody and Dear Luke, We Need To Talk, Darth: And Other Pop Culture Correspondences.

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